Chains of Fire
by PhoenixTears25
Summary: COMPLETEThey pushed him away into his own mind, now he's been given the chance to start again, to become who he's meant to be, but will he accept the help from the people who locked him away?
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

**Introduction**

1996…the year I died.

It was the year that my innocence was taken from me from the man that took me from the streets, who fed me and clothed me and only asked of one thing…me.

It hurts to think of this, it hurts no matter what I do or say, it'll always be there, the same sickening feeling of being left behind.

It's a long story, for me to write here, it's a long story on how I needed up here in this hospital bed looking outside at the children, at the spring flowers.

But my therapist says I should write what happened, she says it might help my nightmares; she also believes I'm a raving lunatic and should be doped.

My head hurts, it's from the lights gleaming at me, like spotlights, I wish they'd go away and leave me in the dark.

Rei comes and visits, but everyday his visits are shorter and he only comes every so often, that's because he has a life to live and me to leave behind.

The others come, in their own time of course.

It year 2007, I'll be 20 in two weeks.

It's the year I'll explain myself, it's the year I'll be discharged and ready to live again, it's the year I'll see the world and wonder why I'm still here.

But, I have to start from the beginning, yes the beginning, the start the 'once upon a time'.

I was put in the hospital June 12th 2003, why?

Because I almost killed someone…I almost stabbed someone, it was Tyson, it was during the reunion, I was sixteen and I took a freshly broken wine bottle and almost killed him.

A few weeks after that I feel into a 'deep depression' and become an insomniac, my nights were filled with running or swimming or cutting.

I cannot say I deserved coming here, it was a joint decision made by the Bladebreakers and the Blitzkrieg Boyz.

And I'm still sitting here at St Jude's Hospital, ironic name, St Jude the saint of lost causes.

My file is as big at the bible, it has everything about me, everything, even my second names in it which no ones.

My file is cream with my name printed in Red, "Kai Hiwatari no.666"

Mocking number, just my luck to get the devils number.

My therapist, Kathy, she believes I suffer from chronic amnesia, one day I'll be fine the next I wont know a thing where I am or anything…and then there was the time I forgot how to speak.

She thinks I'm 'making progresses', she'll sit opposite my bed, writing in that silly notebook of hers, nodding at me as if I'm right.

She'll sit with her one leg over the other, making her skimpy skirt ride up her thigh, her high heels dangle from her feet, her long chocolate hair will fall into her face and she'll wipe it away yet it still falls, man she annoys me.

Mr Dickinson visits regularly, he makes appointments to come and visit, I'll usually be in the garden sitting wishing I could just fly away like a bird.

He'll sit next to me and tell me everything, all the hot gossip, who's doing what and where, and I'll sit; my eyes closed listening to every word.

He leaves and wishes me good health; whether it's mental or physical I don't know.

Kathy says everything that's happened to me is mental, like I'm some psychopath I don't know, she says that I should mediate more often, she watches me when I do meditate, I do it in the garden at the patio, its my time there, no other patient is allowed there.

The patio is covered in marble, it looks over at the garden, and I listen and sit on the nest of cushions and meditate, why? Because I've done it for so long.

I love the garden, some of the other patients will never go in it because their afraid, like Old Jim, he suffers from severe amnesia, what he remembers is from when he woke up from a coma ten years ago, and the only reason why he was in a coma was because a tree fell on him and now he's stuck in a wheelchair.

Old Jim is fifty, he says I'm a grasshopper and shouldn't be in this place, I told Old Jim that he shouldn't either, but he just laughs, like I'm some kind of comedian.

They had to move me once, from the second floor, because I nearly killed myself, I wanted to fly away, and jumped out the window and straight onto several rose bushes, that's why I'm down here on the first floor, away from the other maniacs.

But I'm moving off the topic.

The beginning is hard for me to explain, it's like a block in my head trying to make me forget what happened those years ago.

My earliest memory is of Voltaire, I don't remember my parents…I don't even know their names.

Kathy says I should try and explore my past, try and remember, try and see there face, but I never will, I'll never know.

But I think, before you read any further, you should know who I am or who I once was…

…I was once a champion blader…

…I was once a guy with dreams of being free…

…I was once someone who had friends…

…I was once a person…

…with feelings that stung like a bee…

…now I am me…I am who I have become…

…I am Kai Hiwatari…

…a stranger to myself…

888

Hope you liked it, I know I do, this is something that I thought of and might become something new, um lets see, the poem was by----

REVIEW! PLZ!


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

**Visitors**

**-----------------------------------------**

I usually get a visit from someone at least once a week; usually it'll be Mr Dickinson, rarely one of the Bladebreakers of Blitzkrieg Boyz.

But, strange as it may seem, I enjoy their little visits, I sometimes feel like a walking diary of their feelings for people, like a few days ago Kenny came to visit.

He sat on the same chair Kathy does, he hasn't grown much and reminds me more and more of a mouse, and he doesn't wear a tie anymore but has now decided that colour is good, he's been spending too much time with Max in my opinion.

But anyway, Kenny came and sat down, I was sitting on my bed, reading a book one I'd found in the small library area of the recreation room.

But there Kenny sat in total silence, he moved in the seat awkwardly as if I'm suddenly about to produce a knife and kill him till he's beyond dead.

"Uh, Kai…how're you feeling?"

I shrug; I couldn't really care how I felt, but most people think knowing how someone felt was a good thing.

"I, I got the job, the one in Hong Kong"

I didn't look up; Kenny had been offered a research/Beyblade/computer job in Hong Kong two months ago and had asked me whether he should take it.

I was pleased that he got the job, he'd been so nervous about it, but he seemed alright now.

"I…I also heard that Tyson and Hilary are going out"

About time those two hooked up, I've been waiting for years to hear those words, I'd had Hilary and Tyson in here (separately) asking what they should do about what they felt for each other…I'm not their flippin' therapist.

"And huh, I've got a boyfriend"

I looked up from my book and raise an eyebrow; my suspicions are correct, alleluia! Kenny has finally found himself someone besides that laptop; the guy _does_ have a life after all.

So you see the visits are interesting from the people I knew and know, but lately, they haven't been coming as often, its like they've suddenly forgotten me, I know they have their own lives and all but…I'm not dead yet.

There'd this girl that lives down the corridor three doors down, she'd probably I'd say seventeen, and never has she had a visitor, her names Angel.

I've never seen anyone enter Angel's room; actually I've never seen someone talk to her, not unless it's one of the staff.

But not the point.

Visits are like exciting if you haven't had one in really long time, but your first visit can be well, depressing, but…anyway…

Kathy is always encouraging more people to visit me, to 'rekindle' my interest in people; I'm not interested to tell the truth, not at all.

I haven't been doing what I've been told lately, like now; I'm supposed to be writing down what I think, what a feel, my hopes and dreams and all that other boring crap.

I'm not allowed to swear here, they treat you like children here, like I'm a five year old.

I remember during the first week I swore so much they sedated me and told me that if I didn't stop the drugs would be harder, plus I'd have to stay longer.

Kathy came in this morning and asked whether we could reschedule her appointment for tomorrow instead of later today and that we would have to swap my meditation time to tomorrow morning and swap that with my group session which would mean my exercise time would be shortened – I hate visits like that.

She looked tired today, like she's had it bad today, maybe it was Red, her boyfriend/staff member of the hospital.

Red is thirty years old, he's one of the heads, he does group with me, that's how they met, while they ere discussing me.

I don't really like or dislike Red.

She didn't really wait for an answer when she came knocking on my door but I don't really care.

In a few minutes a nurse will be in here like clockwork, she'll ask if I'm feeling ok, whether I'm cold and if I want the heating the up or down, she'll fold my clothes and pack them neatly in the drawer, she'll smile at me and say that I mustn't give Kathy a hard time…what hard time, she's the one who asks all the questions, she's the one who sits there writing in the silly notebook.

The door has opened, what did I tell you, like clockwork…

--------------------------------

TBC…

Ok, not as long I though but still, it's a start, I'm so glad you liked it, I love it and the title is the best I've ever had.

Thanx for all the reviews, darksaphire, Darksouled Saiyanphoenix, kailover2006 , Iluvbeyblade, Nain.

I still cant get over how many reviews I got, keep them coming!

PT25


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

**Understanding**

It never helped, those pills, they never did anything really, people like to tell you that these little what and pink tablets are going to make you better and even will like you again, but really there not going to help you.

Is it possible that if they wanted to help you that they'd just leave you alone that are all I've ever wanted, to be alone, in this room, away from everyone else.

Solitude is how I ended up in here, everyone got worried and what do you know, I'm stuck here, with every one breathing down my neck.

They want to get into my head, to see how I tick, like Emily did…she wanted to know what went on inside of me, but really, she didn't deserve to know the truth.

On how my innocence was stripped away from I and my world shattered on one painful night.

I'm supposed to be telling you about the beginning, how it all started, how I became what I am…but what am I?

I still remember bits and pieces of how is began, of how someone was shouting, of how a raging fire burnt my legs, how the roof crumbled down and killed my parents, how someone pulled me to safety only to lock me up and destroy me.

I got a visit from Max today, he says that everyone is doing ok, he wanted to know what I wanted for my birthday…all I've ever wanted is freedom.

When he left it was like all the happiness he walks around with disappeared, it's like I'm beginning to see what I haven't got but he does.

When Max Tate left I did something I hadn't done in a long time…I cried.

Max is like innocence, a human essence of something so fragile to the human soul, something I do not have.

I went out to the garden, there's this tree out there, and I'm not sure what kind of tree buts it out there and I climbed up it, just to catch a glimpse over that wall.

I saw the parking lot, and Max talking to someone at a car, it was Kathy, he looked worried and so did she, I couldn't see them clearly enough to read their lips but I saw their bodies move.

I sat on a branch, my legs hanging over the side, my hand holding onto the trunk of the tree, I looked away from them.

There's a hole in the tree, its where this squirrel lives, he's an albino and one of the most prized possessions of the hospital.

I felt something metal and pulled it out, it was Swiss army knife I'd hidden here, I hadn't forgotten about it just didn't want to think about it.

I turned it over in my hand, the metal reflecting the sunlight, I sighed, pocketing the knife the stared out again but they had left.

I'll soon be free, I know will be, they can't lock me up forever.

------------

To move forward, you have to forget the past, for me to move forward…the past must be destroyed.

Its late at night and past lights off, I'm sitting on my bed the curtains open, the full moon shining into my room, the knife lies there on my bed, shining.

I remove my shirt and walk up to my full length mirror, I stare at myself, and the scars that have engraved themselves into me never fade.

Scattered on my arms and torso, my shoulders, there's a tattoo on my upper arm, it's the Biovolt symbol, it's never faded and never been seen by the Bladebreakers, not even the blitzkrieg boys.

The knife is held in my hand, the tip of the metal object circles the insignia, its stabs deeper into my arm and draws blood, and I see myself doing this in my reflection.

My hand has a mind of its own as it has now drawn blood, forming a circle of blood around the symbol, droplets of the red liquid lands on my bare feet.

The tip is now on the middle of the circle, and with a cutting motion, the symbol is soon sliced, like bread it's bloody and I'm crying with pain, but inside, a flicker of freedom reaches me.

The knife lands on the ground, I stare at the mirror, I see myself, disheveled, sweaty and tired, taking my blood drenched hands I cover the mirror in it, never wanting to see the truth.

I lie on the floor, fetus position, hugging myself, and cry.

They'll never understand, never see what I see, they'll never understand that all I want to do is fly.

-------------

Short I know but worth it…very…odd and dramatic.

Keep the reviews coming…plz

REVIEW! And Thanx to those you have reviewed: Iluvbeyblade, Nain, kailover2006, Darksouled Saiyanphoenix


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

**Sanity**

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

They thought I was making progress…they were wrong.

They found me bleeding on the floor, I was taken to the infirmary to sleep and be healed, and it was there I woke.

The lights were dim and that had been the first sign, it was also the smell, and the singing of the nurse, I've been here so many times.

My arm was bandaged and my head was sore, I was warm in the bed, I looked around the room, the curtain was drawn, separating me from the other patients.

I saw their shadow, no, it was her shadow, a girl, she sat on the bed, long hair, slim body, what was she doing here?

I heard a door open and the some whispering…Kathy.

Kathy was dressed in what appeared to jeans and a very loose shirt, her hair was loose and coming out of its clip, she stood hands on hips in front of my bed.

"Where did the knife come from Kai?"

I stared at her, she looked worried, and she sounded worried, was she trying to disguise her voice.

"Where you trying to kill yourself Kai?"

I shook my head, that wasn't the plan; it had been the plan along time ago but not anymore, it wasn't worth it now.

"I thought we'd grown out of this cutting Kai, now where did the knife come from?"

Kathy sighed and rubbed her head, she moved and sat down on the bed, she placed her hand on top of mine, I withdrew, it stung being touched.

"Do you want to stay here forever Kai?"

I didn't answer…she didn't understand, she thought I was a lunatic.

"The doctors told me you sliced right through the Biovolt embalm…was that the plan, to destroy the symbol?"

I looked away.

She sighed again, wiping away a loose strand of hair she stared at me and smiled, "You will be grounded, and no visits for a week and Kai…I had hoped…I had hoped you could go home soon".

Home?

What home, the only home I've ever known is the Abbey and living with the others, I have no home; I have no place to belong.

--------------------------------------------------------------

A week with no visits that was punishment?

Grounded was when I couldn't go outside…outside, into the tree into the garden to dream, my hiding place, my haven.

Tyson called me mad, he said I was insane, a lunatic.

Tyson was only half right, I wasn't ever completely insane, a little mad but not completely insane.

Everyone seemed to worry about me at some strange point, everyone wanted to know what was happening inside of me.

The day they sent me here was painful and cruel and just downright terrible, I'll never forget that day, the day they betrayed me.

**Flashback**

Rain poured down the windows, flooding the gutters, hitting the roof in its own secret code of songs.

It was the worst winter of Japan and I was in the middle of it, I was standing in the rain outside in Tyson's garden, my eyes closed the water running down my body, washing away the feeling of humiliation.

Someone shouted out my name and I didn't turn, ignoring whoever was calling me to come inside.

Then someone touched me.

Turning I saw Tala, soaked and looking scared, he stared at me with those icy eyes and shook his head, water droplets swinging everywhere.

"You're a pain in my ass Kai…come inside its nice and warm and everyone's waiting"

"They can wait a bit longer" was my retort.

Tala sighed and shook his head, "No Kai, that's not it, you don't understand-"

"No Tala you don't understand none of you f understand"

"Kai, how can you say that, we've been through so much?"

"All we've been through is Boris hard training and the abuse we've been having all our childhood, but have you really been through what I've been through"

"Would it help if you at least told me?"

I glared at him, not saying a word, how could I tell him now, he just wants to know because I asked him.

I look away from him the rain is now light.

Tala places a hand on my shoulder, "Kai, we need to talk, all we went is to help"

"I don't need your help"

Tala sighed and walked away, I looked down humiliated, how could they understand, none of them, would understand what pain I'm going through.

I soon headed inside, to find everyone sitting, talking in hushed voices, as I walked inside they all went quiet.

"Hey uh Kai, could we talk?"

I nodded and sat down; the room was silent and tense.

"Kai, we, we think you need some help…so we uh, we all agreed that you should go to St Jude's hospital for the Mentally Unstable"

I sighed, so it had come down to this?

"And before you say anything, we all agree Kai, we just want you to be…to be you"

"This is me Tyson"

"No, its not, the Kai I knew used to closed off sure, but he didn't abuse himself and cut and never talk, the Kai I knew at least helped us"

"Kai, we've resigned out of the tournament and you are going to the hospital…whether you like it or not".

I nodded; there was no point in fighting now, so it had truly come to this, had I really lowered myself to have to care for by someone else?

I stood up and left the room, as I closed the door on my way out I heard Rei say, "I hope we've done the right thing".

**End Flashback**

My fingers fiddled with the bandage and I sighed, sitting on the chair I sighed again and looked up at the roof.

There was no point in fighting, I had my battle now I was the loser and I was done fighting, survival was the least of my problems it was the grip I had on my sanity.

I looked over at the mirror, clean as a whistle.

Standing up I stared at myself, glaring at my own reflection my fist made contact with the glass, I never wanted to see the truth, and it was dark and hurt.

Because the truth was…I was fighting a losing what little sanity I had left.

---------------------------------

TBC…

I love this fic!

Thanx: Darksouled Saiyanphoenix, Iluvbeyblade, Syaoran-Lover


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

**Talking**

**---------------------------------------------------**

We can sit in this room for an hour in total silence, nothing will be said, it's like this most of the time when I'm in a session with Kathy, and she usually does the talking.

But today was different, she sat on the chair and stared at me as I looked up at the ceiling, my right hand bandaged and my left upper arm bandaged, they might as well turn my into a mummy now.

We sit in silence for ten minutes before she stirs and says quietly, "Kai, there's something I should tell you"

I don't respond but listen as she continues.

"Kai, because of your actions over the past 48 hours the heads have decided that your medication will be harder and you will not be discharged as planned in two weeks"

I shot up, they couldn't do that!

"But you promised I'd be out of here by my birthday!" I yell.

She holds up her hands to keep me quiet, "Kai listen I know I promised and it was wrong but it's because of your destructive actions they've lengthened your stay"

"That's not fair, can't you do something. They can't do that!"

"Well they just did…now will you calm down"

I couldn't calm down, they couldn't do that, they couldn't, they weren't allowed to!

I was furious, livid, they couldn't do that, how could they, how could they keep me locked up for even longer when the promised I'd be set free.

"Kai listen to me, your stays been lengthened by six months"

SIX MONTHS

And I charged at her, furious with her, I pinned her against the walls, she yelled at me and I shoved her against the wall.

"Kai please calm down"

I couldn't, there was no turning back, this was happening now, in reality but something else happened, someone stuck a needle in my neck and shut me up, they couldn't do that, I wasn't their prisoner.

-------------------------------------------

"…do they know what made him act like this?" voice 1

"No, no-ones sure, it must be all the kept up frustration over the past few months" voice 2

"He hasn't been talking much has he?" voice 3

"No, we all thought he was making progress, you know being a bit more expressive but suddenly…I don't know what to think anymore" voice 2

"Do you think he's alright?" voice 3

"Personally no, he's not alright, he's angry at something and I'm not sure what…are you ok Mr Tate, you look a bit pale?" voice 2

"It's just, this only started happened after I left and…I think, I think I might have caused this" voice 3

"Max you didn't cause this" voice 1

"Then what did Rei!" voice 3

"…" voice 1

"What did you talk about Mr Tate?" voice 2

"Just his birthday, what to get him, and he gave me this look, you know that one that says I-don't-really-care-as-long-as-you-just-leave-me-alone?" voice 3

"I think Kai is realizing how long he has actually been in this hospital, its like a kick in the head if you think about it…Kai only made great improvement over the last 18 months but he seems to have fallen again" voice 2

"Do you think there's a medical reason for this?" voice 1

"Not that I can see, Kai will have to stay for extra time unless he proves he is ready to got back out there" voice 2

"Then I'm guessing this is all in his head?" voice 3

"It is all emotionally linked. Kai is unsure how to express his emotions so he retaliates with violence usually to himself, it's an extremely bad habit and one that may end up killing him. Has Kai had trouble expressing himself before?" voice 2

"Yes, he always had…he keeps things inside" voice 1

"Mm, do you wish to go ahead and keep him here for longer or let him stay, you do get a say in whether he must stay or not" voice 2

"I think we'll have to talk to the others Rei" voice 3

"Yeah, I guess we'll be seeing you Dr Williams" voice 1

"Yes, till we see each other again" voice 2

"Let's just hope it's under better circumstances" voice 3

"Let us know if anything changes, thank you" voice 1

"Bye" voice 2

---------------------------------

Those voices, never stopping, always thinking their right, such arrogance in their tone, too cocky for their own good, all of them, they never stop talking, they'll never stop talking about me.

Six more months…how will I ever survive?

Her voice still ringing in my head, _"Do you want to stay here forever Kai?"_

Yes I do Kathy, I want to stay here where its safe and no one can hurt me and I cant hurt them, let me stay here, I'm scared Kathy, I'm scared of what's out there.

I'm sitting in the dark, dusk has come upon us.

There's a knock on my door and a nurse pocks her head inside to see whether I'm still alive.

I turn around on my bed and lie on my side, my back facing her concerned face.

"Kai…you ok?"

"Go away" I mumble.

"If that's what you want Kai"

The door closes and I shut my eyes tight, I didn't mean it, don't go way, and please don't leave me!

But she did, they all did, no one truly wants to be around me, they all leave, after their visits, none of them asks if they can stay a bit longer, no one begs for them to stay with me, they go, leave me here.

I'm tired of it all, all the mumbles, the whispers the buzz that I here behind my door.

Morning has not yet come and I'm alone in my room, all alone.

I get up and stare at the empty space were the mirror used to be, who puts a mirror in a mental hospital?

I open the curtains and stare out into the garden; I can see the tree, my tree, my haven.

The window is locked from the outside and I stare, I rest my forehead on the cold glass and fall apart, crying.

Why can't they all just shut up already?

--------------------------------------------

TBC…

Thanx for the reviews there great to get and make me want to write more and more, which I am, the next following chpts where written at school (watches as marks drop to below average) I think this is fic is beyond disturbing and there is something seriously wrong with my mind are at least my imagination.

I can't wait to see what happens next…

Thanx: Kaikouji, If I say I love you, Darksouled Saiyanphoenix, Iluvbeyblade, Syaoran-Lover


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

**Before**

Rei came and visited and he asked me whether I wished to stay here for another six months or go when planned, in less then a week.

He also said that he spoke to the others and they think I should stay on for a few more months and not leave when planned.

I'll be twenty in less then a week, I've been here for almost four years and I have barely improved to the point that I am allowed to go _outside, _into the real world.

When he left I stared at the door and waited for him to come back and say that he'll stay longer then allowed.

He used to care, Rei.

When I was still 'sane' he used to come into our room and ask loads of questions when no one was around, and I confined in Rei, he was my anchor, but I don't know, something changed…something broke.

I still remember that day, when Tyson beat Brooklyn, it was like I knew I was finished here and needed to move on but I truly didn't want to.

Now Brooklyn was a mess, but Tyson gave him his 'speech' and now he's ok, not as bad as I was, I think, I think it all changed when I beat Brooklyn.

I think, I think what really happened was that I was scared that I was truly happy with my life, with what I'd accomplished.

It's the emotions I cant handle, I felt as if I was something totally different when they appeared, like everything I had been brought up to believe was stripped away from me, you see, what Boris taught us became our religion.

To say this is difficult and I'm glad I'm putting pen to paper, but I know Kathy and Red will want it to read to see how mentally unstable I really am.

But Rei, we got along in out own way, he was the closest person I'd ever been with.

**Flashback**

"Hey Kai…listen, I'm sorry about the decision we've made about St Jude's but we all feel it's for the best".

He's standing at the foot of my bed, like an eagle, I'm lying there, curled up, listening to his every word.

I trusted you Rei.

"Its just, the night when you and Tyson…it scared us Kai, it scared me".

I know it did Rei, I was there, with you, I was the one holding the bottle, I was the one trying not to lose his temper over the loudmouth…I was the one who saw red.

"I'm truly sorry Kai"

I'll never trust you again Rei.

**End Flashback**

If you think about it, four years is a damn long time to be here, a very long time, I know people who come for a few months and then leave, like that.

But the day I leave, will be one to remember, just like the day I came.

**Flashback**

"This is it" someone says.

I stared at the place; it wasn't so big, small yes but not too small or too big.

I stumbled out of the minivan and onto the hot ground, it was hot and summer, I stared up at the building.

They all stood next to me, smiling, encouraging me to move.

"What do you think?"

I look at Rei and glare.

Tala glares at me and I look away, the place is shit.

Someone comes closer, it's a lady, she's smiling and looking extremely cheerful, I wonder if she's on drugs – I find out its Kathy.

She stared at me and gives us a tour; I think I'm going to be sick.

"And this will be your room Kai", I walk inside, its small and square shaped, with one window and a small bed, a space where the mirror is soon to be.

When they think I'm settled they say their goodbyes and leave, the door isn't locked and I stare at it, I look at the room I'm inside.

I move to the window and stare outside, I see something, a tree, and someone is standing at it, engraving something.

I walk outside to the person and tell them to stop; the tree doesn't need to be engraved by a lunatic.

He move away, scared I'd hurt him.

I touch where there are initials of the person; it hurts to see something so defenseless get hurt like that, especially a tree such as this.

I climb the tree and I can see everyone leave, their talking and getting inside of the minivan, I sit, this is why I stay.

For the tree, this is why I stay.

**End Flashback**

I'm tired, all this thinking.

Maybe it would help, letting someone in like Kathy keeps on telling me, and maybe I should try.

I look at the tree from the porch, from the pillows and smile, the tree did not need to be hurt and neither do I.

It hits me, they've been defending me like I defend the tree, I'm the defenseless creature, well maybe its time I spoke up for myself.

----------------------

TBC…

Thanx: If I say I love you, Iluvbeyblade, Anarchy is mine and mine alone, Darksouled Saiyanphoenix (


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

**Death

* * *

**

They think that just because you don't speak to anyone that you're more insane then the other people around here.

It was late and three days till my birthday, there was screaming, loud chilling screaming coming from down the corridor, and soon it was occupied by more screaming shouts and outburst, swearing and smashing of furniture.

I lay here on my bed staring straight at the darkness, it gets louder and louder, I here doors slam as the rage climax and suddenly silence.

Whoever had started it had a mental break down and was probably sedated and moved to the other quarters of the hospital; I could only hope that the person didn't do something rash.

I listen closely and hear it, crying, sobs of pain, it's from next door, it's male and can only be Old Jim, I listened and moved to sit at the wall, and I tapped it, hearing the hollow echoed and listened.

"Hey, you ok?" I ask

"I'm ok, just sad" he replies, his voice cracks.

"Sad…why?"

"They moved her Kai, they took her away and she'll never come back here, they took her to the loony bin Kai"

I look down and sigh; it was a girl then that was screaming.

"Did you know her?"

Old Jim knows everyone, he's like the alpha, he's the peace bringer, he's in charge, he cares for us more then our own family and friends do.

"Yes…she was only seventeen Kai, she was only seventeen"

And he begins to sob again, cries buckets, I don't know what to say, what to do.

"Is…is you door locked?"

"No"

I get up and open my door, go next door and enter Old Jim's room, he's lying next to the wall, bent over crying, and the light of the moon reflects off his mirror and shines on him.

I move and sit down next to him, he leans on my shoulder and cries, I feel his tears through my grey shirt, and he stops and sniffs staring at me.

"Kai…promise me you'll never go there"

"To the loony bin?"

He nods, "Promise me Kai, you'll never go there, please"

I nod, and he smiles and leans on my shoulder, his old hand picks up my still bandages hand and stares, puts it on my lap and we sit like that for sometime.

"Kai…you ever think about death?"

"Yeah"

"Me too, everyday I wonder if before I die that I'll be able to go outside, to see the new world".

"Old Jim…you ever think…that…this is destiny?"

"Destiny? My word Kai I haven't heard that word in a long time. Yes Kai, I think this is all part of the bigger plan, this is my destiny".

I'm silent.

"Kai…when you leave, will you do something for me?"

"Anything"

"Will you, will you tell them, my family, that I didn't mean to be so difficult and that I'll always love them, will you?"

"I'm not leaving anytime Old Jim, but I will do that"

Old Jim smiles and closes his eyes, "You may not be going anytime soon but I am".

* * *

He died the next day; he died in his sleep, his heart just gave up, broken.

I stayed in my tree the whole day and stared, I didn't got to breakfast, lunch, group, Kathy or dinner but I did learn something.

You cannot be afraid of death, its just not possible, its best just to embrace it; it makes life a whole lot easier.

I lay in my bed that night and cried, I lay and I thought of everyone that would one day have to die and what they had accomplished during their time here on earth.

**Flashback**

The party had been going great, people where enjoying themselves, and everyone was here. Every team we had fought.

I stood in a corner watching Tyson dance with Hilary, I watched Rei and Mariah talk while dance as well; I stood staring at them because they all had someone special.

When something happened, I still don't know what, but Tyson wanted me to dance as well and I stared at him dumbfounded, why would he want to dance with me?

I told him no, but he persisted and finally he gave up.

I left to go the garden for some fresh air and some peace.

I stood watching the stars and the clear sky, even the moon had someone special, the sun, and even though they were rarely in the same place at the same time they still had each other.

"Hey Kai what are you doing out here, the parties inside?"

It was Rei, it was always Rei.

"Go away Rei"

"C'mon Kai, come and have some fun for once, Tyson itching to see you dance"

"I don't want to dance Rei, now please will you go away".

"No, I'm tired Kai, of you pushing us away, I'm tired of it all, I'm tired of you, now tell me what's bothering you".

"Mariah" I mumble.

"Mariah?"

"And Hilary"

"Kai…? You're worried about girls"

"No Rei, I'm worried about people…how they always find someone to be with, no matter what they always find someone".

"Kai, you have us"

"No…you have Mariah, Tyson has Hilary, Max has Miriam they all have someone".

"Kai, I don't think I understand, you worried you'll never find someone?"

"I'm worried I'll never know what its like"

"What what's like?"

I stare at Rei and feel the tears swell up, "I'll never know what its like to be loved".

"Oh Kai, you are loved, by us, by all of us".

"Rei…I want something I'll never have"

"Why do you say that?"

"Because I'm already losing"

"Losing what?"

I stare at him and the tears slip, I take off my jacket and my gloves, and the light shines on it, he can see them, the scars the ones I've had for weeks now, the cuts the marks, which run up my arm and wrist, on my hand.

"Kai?" he gasps.

"Rei…I'm losing my mind"

**End Flashback**

Even then I knew something was wrong, something just didn't click, something was desperately wrong inside me.

Questions, millions of questions hit me, most of them about my life, how I'd become what I am and so on, it wasn't soon when they become suicidal, that's when they became worried.

**Flashback**

"You ever wanted to die Kai?" it was Kathy; it was my second year here and it during one of our sessions.

"Yeah"

"What do you think it's like to die?"

"Like flying"

"Flying?"

"Yeah, it's like your just floating on air and flying towards something greater then all this"

"Kai…why do you think you want to die?"

''Because I'm crazy"

"You are not crazy Kai"

"Then explain why I'm here"

There's not answer and we are washed over by silence, it's a hot summer day and I'm staring outside, I want to go outside, please let me go outside.

"Tell me something…why do you think you're here?"

I look away from the window and stare at her, I clear my throat and say slowly, "Because people are tired of having to watch me and make sure I don't jump off a bridge"

"Who are they?"

I shrug, "Tyson, Rei, the team the others"

Kathy nods and writes something in her very irritating notebook.

"Do you sometimes feel you want to jump off a bridge Kai?"

"Sometimes" I shrug at this but I'm starting to get annoyed by her being here.

**End Flashback**

Death is something that is part of life, it's beyond life and something we have trouble to accept.

I lifted my head off my pillow as I heard voices walk past, I stare at my hand and glare, it's all his fault, it's all his fucking fault…

* * *

TBC…

That's longer then expected, anyway hope you enjoyed.

Thanx once again: whyamidoingthis01, If I say I love you, Syaoran-Lover, Darksouled Saiyanphoenix,


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight**

**Truth

* * *

**

I've never been one for letting people do what they want with me, people say that I'm just to stubborn to care really, so hard-headed.

When I first came here, I didn't fight, I didn't argue or even say anything, but then, I soon realized that this wasn't a game anymore and serious, so I fought for my freedom, I wanted to be out so badly it wasn't even funny.

But I'm tired now, tired of fighting, tired of looking and seeing the same things, its time for change and its time for me to leave.

Tomorrow is my birthday.

Tomorrow change will begin.

But first the truth.

**Flashback**

"Hey Rei what's wrong?"

Its Tyson, he's come outside to see what's going on, I'm standing there, my scars there for everyone to see.

Tyson sees them and stares at me in disbelief.

"Kai?"

I don't look at him and stare at the sky.

"Kai why didn't you tell us?"

Rei stands there like an idiot; he's waiting for me to answer, I don't answer but run my finger over them, I stare.

"Kai…what happened to bring this up?"

I still don't answer, and Tyson's getting louder, trying to make me answer, I sigh and walk inside away, everyone's watching and the only thing I can hear is the music.

Tyson's follows, demanding I answer him.

I don't and get myself something to drink, a glass bottle, and the one with coke inside.

Tyson glares at me, I look away, I bring the bottle to my lips and he shoves me, I drop the bottle and it smashes.

He's pinned me to the wall, my head down, he wants an answer, why must I answer something I don't even understand?

"Answer me Kai, why are you doing this to yourself!"

I look past him and see everyone staring, silent; my eyes lock with Tala's, I look away and stare downward, at my shoes.

"Answer me damn it"

Tears are staring to leave Tyson's eyes, he's crying.

I look up at him and croak, "I'm sorry".

Tyson's stares and let's go off me, Max and Hilary are at his side, and everyone watches me as I stand, with Tyson on his knees.

"I don't understand, what did we do wrong?"

"You didn't do anything" I say

"But Kai…why…why now after everything's normal, WHY!"

I don't know Tyson, I don't know.

I shake my head and stare down at him, he stands up and stared straight at me, "Why didn't you tell someone!"

"I'm just a burden"

Tyson stares at me and glares, he close to me now and pokes me in the chest saying, "You are never a burden Kai, you are a friend and we worry about you, were never a burden!"

"Tyson-"

"No listen to me Kai, we are your friends and we know you've had it bad, but you must understand-"

"Tyson-"

"No listen to me, you belong here and there nothing you can do about-"

"Tyson stop it"

"No, you must get this into your thick skull and listen, we love you as a brother and no matter what happens-"

"Tyson will you stop it!"

And he does stop and stares at me, scared.

"Kai will you just listen to him" says Hilary.

I glare at him and say very softly, "Listen Tyson, I never ever asked for you are your friends, I never wanted any of this…all I ever wanted was to be with someone who understands me-"

"Kai, we understand you"

"No...No you don't" I shake my head and begin to laugh, a maniac laugh.

They stare as I laugh.

Tyson places his hand on my shoulder but I shove it away, "Don't touch me"

But he tries to touch my shoulder, "Don't touch me" I yell at him.

He tries again but I pick up the broken bottle and hold it out.

"I said don't touch me"

There's silence, complete silence.

But something happened, something hard hit against my head and I blacked out, and that is the truth.

**End Flashback**

It was Spencer who did it, knocked me out for hours.

I didn't even put up a fight after that, I lived in a daze, I didn't care what day it was, and I didn't care.

But now I care, now I want to make everything right again, I'm tired of causing so much pain.

I'm tired.

* * *

TBC…

Short I know but so worth it, I have to say thanx to everyone who is reading and reviewing, its great and I hope this story goes on for longer, if your confused just let me know and I'll clear it up.

Thanx: Kaikouji, wolf's lament, whyamidoingthis01, Syaoran-Lover, Amanita Virosa-Midnight Wrath, Iluvbeyblade, Darksouled Saiyanphoenix, If I say I love you,


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Eight**

**Angel

* * *

**

I wake two hours before dawn, it's the day of my birthday, the sun has not yet risen, I can here the sound of wind outside, it's autumn and windy.

I get up and open the curtains, it's still dark and I can see the moon begin to set, I stare at the tree that is turning so many different colours, so beautiful.

I sometimes wish I could do that, change my colours.

I sigh and get changed into regulations white shirt and white draw string pants, I lie on my bed and close my eyes, I lay there for ages when I hear the bells begin to ring, a new day has arrived.

Doors open and people start to talk, I get up, make my bed and leave my room, I stop in the hallway and see people walk and talk, nurses with pills and water, I hate those little oval pills.

The cafeteria is loud and noisy; it's more like a constant buzz in my ears.

I get my food and sit, eat and leave; they won't be here till later.

I head towards the bathrooms, once finished there I take a long walk down the hallways, past my room, Old Jim's old room, and other people.

I then hear sobbing at a door; I pause and listen, a girl.

Opening the door I see a girl, Angel crying on the floor, she's got piles of different colours, and if I'm right she's going to commit one big mistake.

I don't enter the room, I just watch her, as she separates the pills by colour and size, I watch as she mumbles what sounds like a pray under her breath.

I stare, I can't move, can't speak, I just stare, as if I'm watching something I'd been wanting to do myself.

I can't don't anything, I know I'm not qualified to do anything, I'm just someone who thinks their crazy.

But I do something; I can't just stand here and do this…she picks up the first pill and stares at it, pops it into her mouth and swallows.

"Hey…mind if I join you?"

She turns and stares at me, and nods, she's odd she is, she wants me to join her while she slowly kills herself off…she's the crazy one.

I sit opposite her and pick up the one pill, she watches me as I play with it, place it in my mouth and swallow.

We're doing this for a while, one after the other, each colour different, and I'm now staring to feel woozy, I cant even see straight, she smiles at me and kind of looks funny, drunken.

There's not many left now, I hold one and stare at it, seeing double and suddenly do something stupid…I swallow it.

* * *

I didn't wake for hours, neither did she, no one noticed us until everyone began looking for me, all probably thinking the worst for their depressed friend.

We were fine though, completely and utterly zonked but fine.

I opened my eyes to see Rei and Tyson staring down at me, looking very worried.

"Hey buddy, you ok?"

I nod and frown.

My mouth is dry and I can't see clearly, had I merely put myself to sleep?

I sit up and stare, I'm in my room, on my bed, the room is covered with people, with Tyson, Hilary, Rei, Tala, Bryan, Max, Mr D and Kathy.

I look at Kathy, she doesn't look happy, arms crossed and glaring, but she looks relieved in a way.

"Hey buddy, happy birthday"

I nod and Tyson shoves something under my nose, a present, wrapped in Christmas paper, with mini Santa's.

I open it carefully, not wanting to tear the paper, and what I see makes my gasp, it a framed picture of us together at our first win.

I can feel the tears in my eyes.

I stare at them all and Tala hands me something else, it's in a small brown box, I open the lid and stare at Dranzer.

She had been something I hadn't been allowed to have here for all the time I was here, they saw it as a threat to my safety and the safety of others, I picked the Beyblade up and stared.

I looked down at the two most precious gifts around me and started sobbing, tears freely left my eyes, my shoulders shook, and I dropped the gifts on the bed, brought my knees up and hugged them close to me, burying my face in them.

They were silent, a bit concerned, when Tyson touched my shoulder.

Rei touched the other side; I looked up and stared straight at Tala, who gave me a smile.

"Thank you" I croak

I can see them smile, they all smile at me, but I don't smile, I cant, not yet, I pick up the picture and stare, I run my index finger over myself, I stare…what happened to me?

* * *

I'm sitting in the tree silent.

Their leaving now, going back to their own world.

I'm sitting and listening to the world around me, for a sign of what could have happened to me, I sign that could tell me why I am they way I am and not dead on the floor like planned four years ago?

**Flashback**

It's cold and damp and I'm lying in a large king sized bed, I'm alone but scared, I can see the door that faces in front off me, I can see the light underneath.

I twist in the sheets, I can feel the material on my bare skin, the door opens and someone enters the room.

It's Voltaire, but he looks younger now, his hair isn't so grey and his eyes aren't so cold yet filled with lust.

He's wearing a blue bath robe and closes the door and locks it once he's entered the room.

He comes close you me and bends down, his robe revealing his legs and bare chest.

I lie on the bed dead still; he's bent down so that his mouth is at my ear, I can feel his hot breath on my skin.

"You're perfect" he whispers.

My body shudders involuntarily and he kisses my neck, nibbles my ear.

I'm I really perfect?

His hand moves on their own down my body.

I am always someone's prisoner.

**End Flashback**

The shadows have fallen down on me as the sun begins to set and hides behind the buildings,

"Hey you"

I look away from the beautiful sky and the first sight of the stars and stare down to see no other then Angel.

"You're Kai aren't you?"

I nod.

"I'm Angel" she points at herself.

"Yeah I know" I answer

Shoe goes a bit pink and there this look on her face which makes me smile inside but it disappears.

"Why didn't you stop me?" she asks

I shrug

"Why don't you come down here so we can have a proper conversation?"

I do as I'm told, landing on my feet with a thump I see that she's shivering ad looking cold.

"So, why do you want to talk?"

Angel shrugs and looks away as if embarrassed.

"You don't talk to anyone else" I go on, my mouth moving on its own accord.

"Yeah well, everyone thinks I'm crazy"

I raise an eyebrow and stare, you cannot be serious.

"They think we're _all _crazy"

Angel stares straight at me and into my eyes and for the first time I notice that her left eye is green where her right is blue.

"Why didn't you stop me?" she repeats.

I shrug and say, "What's the point, we're all going to die in the end"

"I guess but aren't you tired of waiting"

"For what?"

"The end, you know the end of this life this story, this day?"

"I'm always tired"

Angel nods.

"Why are you talking to me" I ask her.

"Dunno, why did you join me?"

I don't know.

* * *

TBC…

I'm not exactly sure what to say, but rest assured I am stunned at the comments you guys give, I swear my ego has like expanded ten times its normal size.

But I have to thanks: kailover2006, Iluvbeyblade, Darksouled Saiyanphoenix, Syaoran-Lover, whyamidoingthis01, Amanita Virosa-Midnight Wrath, wolf's lament, If I say I love you.

Jeez there are too many reviewers here (not that I'm complaining).

Just keep them coming.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten**

**Prisoner

* * *

**

Rain, lots and lots of rain, tapping on the windowsill, running down the glass like tears from the skies.

I'm sitting on the porch, the wind does not come this way and I am blinded by the grey clouds and thunderous roars that come from up there.

I can sit here for hours, just watching, listening to the destruction.

Kathy sits on a whicker chair watching me, she said she wanted to do an extra session but I was outside so she's here with me.

We're already ten minutes into the session and nothings been said.

Finally Kathy cleared her throat and said, "Kai, why did you…why did you swallow those pills with that girl?"

"Her names Angel"

"Alright, why did you swallow those pills with _Angel_?"

"Because there was nothing else I could do"

"You could have reported it, you know that very well"

"And become a snitch?"

"Not a snitch, you would have saved her life"

I did not answer; I don't like arguing with Kathy.

"Did you want to die?"

"No"

"Then why did you do it?"

"To prove that you cannot die alone"

There was a pause, "Kai?" she whispered

"I don't want to die alone"

Kathy leaned in on me and her hand touched my shoulder, "Your are never alone" squeezed it, and sat back up.

I stared at the tree, in all its glory.

"Kai, when you leave here"

"Leave here? When will I ever be free of this, when will I be able to make my own decisions and see that I can live my life without someone watching me"

"Kai, I know you've been abused and your trust of other people is one hard to find but you have to believe me when I say that you will one day be free, not now but you will be"

I sighed and wiped some rain from my face.

"All I ever wanted to be was free, free from Voltaire and Boris, free from their gazes and questions, free from this place"

"You're not our prisoner Kai?"

I did not answer but hugged my legs watching as the branches and leaves flew in the air.

"Kai…you are only a prisoner to yourself"

I still did not answer and kept my gaze on the tree but listened to every word she said.

"Kai, you must let go of whatever is haunting you, you must learn that there are people here who want to help you be you true self".

"Take me to them"

"Kai?"

"I want to go to Voltaire and Boris"

"Kai, their in prison"

"You want be to let go, well lets go then, take me to Voltaire and Boris so that I can let go and get on with my life"

"It's not that easy"

I stared up at her and stared straight into her eyes, "I don't care just let go to them and end this nightmare"

"Kai we are worried that if you see them your nightmare will only get worse"

"Why should it get worse?"

"Because those same nightmares you are trying to rid of may return and be fiercer and may destroy you all over again"

"What nightmares do you know of; you have no clue what they've done, what they are capable of"

"It tells me in your file"

"Yeah, what does it say; huh c'mon tell me what the does it says?"

Kathy gulped and shook her head, "I am not of liberty to tell you"

"Not of liberty? Well I don't care, just tell me what it says tell me"

Kathy nodded, took in a deep breath and said counting on her fingers, "Drugged, abused, molested, whipped, stabbed, tortured, burnt and r-r-"

"Raped! I was raped"

And something happened, I cracked like an egg shell, all of my barriers fell and I knelt at her feet crying tears of shame and suffering.

"I was raped" I whispered.

Kathy knelt down on the floor and helps me as I cried into her clothes, I shook but she soothed me, calming me down.

"I was raped" I repeated just a whisper

"I know Kai, I know".

* * *

Something happened today, something strange, something that had never happened before.

Not an hour later Rei, Max, Tyson and Hilary where here staring at me as if I wasn't human, we all sat in a circle with Kathy.

"I have gotten a piece of information our of Kai today which has taken four years for him to say, would you like to tell them Kai?"

I shook my head and sank down lower in my seat, sitting opposite Rei.

"Kai has told me today that he was raped"

Everyone turns their gaze towards me, they knew already they already knew but now it feels like they really do know, like telling them now after them finding out four years ago is real.

"And it's not just this that he has told but also he has requested to see Voltaire and Boris in the prison"

There's silence as everyone takes this in, I can't stand their stares, such awful and burning stares, why can't they just stop.

"Are you sure that's such a good idea, I mean what happens if they hurt him again?" questioned Hilary

"Hurt him how?" asked Tyson

"Mentally stupid, Kai could get hurt mentally, is this you want Kai, to see them again?"

I nodded.

"If that's what you want Kai".

* * *

To come to terms with something as big as this is thought as a major breakthrough, and when that happens everyone knows about it.

I have been here for four years, I have walked down these corridors like a ghost but now I am being seen as a zombie as I walk past everyone.

"Hey Kai, I heard what happened"

Aren't these sessions supposed to be _private_?

"Yeah, what did you hear?"

"Oh that you cracked"

Damn, I was hoping she wouldn't have heard _that._

It was Angel that I'm talking too, its strange really, what's going on, it's like I'm not alone anymore and neither is she.

She's always been alone, she said that she's been the system for so long that no one wants a lost cause and the only reasons she ended up here was because she tried to kill herself and the other kids in the home in a fire and because there's nowhere else to put her.

"You know Kai, its ok to show some kind of emotion, beside pissed off"

"So I've heard"

We walked towards the garden, we ended up sitting underneath the tree in silence, silence is golden, and staring up at the grey skies, and droplet of rain fell onto us liker a spring shower.

"Do you ever feel, I mean do you ever wish you had someone…someone just to hold and be safe with…someone who…someone who listens"

I turn my head and stared at her.

"Yeah I guess I do"

"Do you, do you want to know a secret?"

"Sure"

"My names not really Angel"

"So what is it then?"

"Katrina"

Is it possible that I'm not the only one who's ever wanted something that they know that they'll never have…no.

She has always felt that way, cold and lost, full of shame and worthlessness.

Angel…I mean Katrina and me talked for hours on the facts of life and our friends and what's left of your families.

We told each other things we dare say to the others because they don't understand us the way we understand each other.

"Kai, promise me something"

"Mm?"

"Don't let go"

"Let go of what?"

But she didn't answer me as she stood up and walked away, let go of what? Tell me what not to let go!

She left me in confusion, what mustn't I let go of?

* * *

Hehe, I hope you understand this…mixed up feelings in a mixed up world.

Anyway, thanx: Iluvbeyblade, whyamidoingthis01, If I say I love you, Darksouled Saiyanphoenix.

And thanx to anyone who've I've missed out on.

Once again, please review, I really love hearing what you've got to say.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven**

**Family

* * *

**

Days passed before I was allowed to see Voltaire, I was couldn't see Boris 'cause he was in solitary confinement, I was driven to the prison and we sat in a steel room, bolted chairs and a steel table, empty and cold just like Voltaire.

Kathy and Red (who had decided to tag along) sat at my side, guards stood on Voltaire's sides.

He looked grey and older then he actually was and tired, oh how tired he looked.

Nothing was said between us, we just stared at each other, sizing each other up like a piece of raw meat.

Like a toy.

His looked empty and my body shook at the memories of him when I was younger, oh how he haunts me still.

"How're you doing?"

I shrug.

"You're ever getting out of that loony bin?"

"Why should you care?"

"I put you there didn't I? I'd like to know how long I'm going to haunt you still"

Voltaire is stranger, stranger then strange, he always ahs been.

He placed his cuffed hands on the metal table in his business like fashion ad smirks at me.

"So, what is it that you've decided to bless us with your presence Kai?" asked Voltaire

I shrugged.

"Can't be nothing, there has to be a reason for coming here"

"I've come to say goodbye"

"Goodbye? My boy neither of us are going anywhere soon"

I shook my head, "I'm going away from you Voltaire, and I'm forgetting you once and for all".

There was silence.

"So…you've decided to disown me then? To say I'm not related then?"

Voltaire thinks over his own words, he looks at Red and Kathy and then at me, "Did they put you up to this? Is this part of your therapy?"

"Mr Hiwatari, this was Kai's own decision", this was said by Kathy, she holds my hand under the table and squeezes it, then letting go.

"So I'm no longer to be your grandfather?"

"You were never my _grandfather_"

"Just remember boy, I'll always be right here"

I nodded and stood.

I was finished, I'd said what I had to say, there was nothing left.

As I passed Voltaire he grabbed my wrist and hissed before letting it go, "Don't forget who you really are _Kai Hiwatari_"

* * *

"Did it go well?"

The question wasn't new, I'd heard is all before, but this was asked by Katrina and wasn't the same question.

We sat by the tree again, watching the clear sky with the puffy white clouds.

I don't answer her question; I still can't get Voltaire's words out of my head.

"_Remember who you are **Kai Hiwatari**"_

She taps my head and I look at her confused.

"You alright in there, you completely zoned out"

I shrug, I didn't want to talk to about what happened today, not tomorrow and not the next day, I don't even want to think about it.

But she tries a new approach.

"What your dream?"

"My dream?"

"Yeah, the thing you always wanted"

I look towards the ivy covered walls.

"To be free"

"Yeah, you know what my dream is?"

"Nope"

"To have a family"

Family…

* * *

I used to have a grandmother, uncles, aunts even a mother and a father.

My mothers dead.

My fathers dead.

My aunts dead.

My uncles dead.

Even my own grandfather is dead.

I don't have family…I just have me.

* * *

There's a knock on my door, I look up from my book and see Red smiling at me from the door, it late evening and it's almost lights out.

He comes in and locks the door; he pulls up the chair and sits on it backwards.

"I see you and Angle are getting close, anything going on"

"There's nothing going on"

"Kai, you rarely spend time with ordinary people"

"She's not _ordinary_"

"No, she's not, but she also is unstable"

I close my book, marking the place, fold my arms and stare at him challenging him to say something, anything.

"Kai, she's in for numeral suicide attempts"

"I know"

"I just don't want you to get hurt"

"Pain is my comfort, its nothing new"

"Kai, she already attempted, if it worsens she will be sent away"

I didn't answer, Red sighed and stood up.

Before he left he turned to me and asked, "What do you talk about?"

I shrug, "Nothing much".

Today my life has changed.

Today I am my own person, my own being.

Today I became me.

* * *

Ok then, as you may have noticed his thoughts aren't that mixed up and he's beginning to make some changes and gain some perspective on his life and what it all means and stuff.

So Angel aka Katrina is helping him.

Thanx: wolf's lament, whyamidoingthis01, Iluvbeyblade, Starfire1, Darksouled Saiyanphoenix, If I say I love you

REVIEW PLEASE!


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Twelve**

**Leaving

* * *

**

They've decided that I will be leaving at the end of the week, they've decided that its time I lived my life and not have someone live for me.

I haven't told Katrina.

She made me promise not to let go, does that include not leaving?

I'm confused right now, half of me want to leave but the other half well it wants to stay and protect and stand by her.

Kathy says its best that we get me out of here as soon as possible and into the real world, but I'm scared, its changed so much, so much as changed, I don't know if I can do this alone.

That's why Rei, Tyson, Hilary, Max, Kenny (Who flew from Hong Kong), Tala and Bryan are all coming with me to start again.

* * *

It's Wednesday and in two days I will be gone from this place…and from her.

We're sitting on the patio the breeze twists the leaves making them do a dance, her head in on my shoulder her eyes closed, my knees are up supporting my book and I'm reading.

"Katrina…I need to tell you something"

She moves and looks up at me with a questioning gaze at me, unaware of what I've got to say.

"Katrina I've been allowed to, I've been allowed to leave here, to go outside and start again"

She looks down, her eyes of empty and an angry looks replacing her questioning one, her hair falls in her face and I move it, she looks scared.

"Katrina?"

Her face is in my hand, I feel her soft skin, my book is on the floor and she kisses my hand, I can see the tears swell in her eyes, oh God what have I done?

"Why do you want to leave me Kai, what have I done, you promised Kai" she mumbled, I only just heard her.

"I didn't mean for this to happen you have to understand I would never leave you"

She acts as if she understands and nods, but I am scared of what I have just done to her, breaking her heart and soul in two like everyone else in her life did.

I'm just like the bastards…I'm just like them…

A bastard…

* * *

On Friday Kathy had woken my up earlier then I am awake, Katrina was already awake, as I left my room she was outside, and I saw the bandages on her wrists, my heart beating every second faster as I stared into those empty eyes.

Rei and everyone else gave me hugs as if they hadn't seen me in years, and I didn't smile, I didn't laugh.

Kathy and Red signed the forms, and they group left me with Katrina, we stood facing each other.

I took hold of her hands and held them in my own, finally Katrina broken and hugged me, her tears staining my shirt, she shook in my arms.

She fell to her knees dragging me with her, she held onto my shirt as her whole body shook, "I don't want you to go Kai, and I don't want you to leave"

"It's ok…shhhh, I'll be back to see you ok, I'll never leave you ok?"

Katrina slowly calmed down and looked at me, I wiped away her tears and kissed her forehead, "Don't do anything stupid ok?"

She nodded and I saw her smile meekly.

We stood up and I looked behind me to see the other waiting patiently, I hugged her more and rubbed her back soothing her.

"I'll be back ok?"

She nodded again and I left her arms, there was so far she was allowed to go, I was out of the door and I looked up at the ivy covered wall to see her sitting in the tree watching me.

I looked away at the mini van and back at the tree, but she was gone.

And so I stepped into the light…alone

* * *

They set me up to stay with Rei who is staying in an apartment not far from Tyson's house, and not far from the hospital I just came from.

There a living area with some couches a TV and some books shelves, a kitchen, two bedrooms one is mine and a bathroom and a balcony.

I can stand here at the balcony for hours; Rei says that I'll soon forget about the rest of the apartment.

I've been here for two days and already I feel very lost and confused, but something was wrong, something was very wrong.

The guys took me shopping for some clothes and stuff, they took me out to lunch and had their usual conversations but now I fell more out of the group then I did before.

I need to see Katrina.

To tell the truth, I want to go back there, back to the hospital and see her, tell her that I'm sorry that I never meant for this.

I phoned Kathy and asked when I could see her, but she said that Katrina was busy with some form of a therapy course which was time consuming.

I told Kathy that I'm worried about her and Kathy said she'd keep a sharp eye on her for me.

Now all I can do is wait…

* * *

End very short chapter, as you might have guessed by now sadly this fic is coming to an end, I really want to carry on but lets wait and see.

Thanx: whyamidoingthis01, Kaikouji, If I say I love you, starfire1, Darksouled Saiyanphoenix

PLEASE REVIEW!!


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter Thirteen**

**Life

* * *

**

I would wake and wonder about it all, about life, about what it really means and what it has installed for me.

Life isn't fair.

That's the one fact that has always stayed true.

My mind is made up, something doesn't feel right and I know it has to do with Katrina.

I'm going to see her right now whether she likes it or not and try and convince her that it wasn't my decision to leave her suddenly like I did.

I got dressed and without waking Rei I left the apartment, the world has changed, what is this place that I find myself in, where you just turn away from someone in pain, why is it that I feel lost in this world more then before?

I trudged down the dark streets, past closed shops; I soon realized that it was beginning to drizzle.

I was two blocks away from the hospital when a fire engine zoomed past along with an ambulance, my heart quickened and began to run, desperate to know that she hadn't done what I thought she was doing, I please God make me wrong for once in my life.

Sweat glistened on my skin mixing with the still drizzling rain; my feet pounded the ground like beating drums.

I came to find a crowd of people around the grounds of the hospital, people I recognized from when I stayed here.

I ran towards the building which was alight, it burned with flames of rage, I could only hope she out of it, please let her not have started the fire, please let her be safe.

I ran towards Kathy who was teary eyes and in shock, she saw me and cried out, I stared at her frightened, "Where's Angel?" I asked her, my voice barely audible.

Kathy shook her head and looked back at the building.

I took in a sharp breath and felt my heart skip a beat.

I started running towards the flames, people tried to stop me, tried to get hold of me, but I was out of reach, and I ran head first into the inferno.

_She sits in her corner  
singing herself to sleep  
Wrapped in all of the promises  
that no one seems to keep_

_She no longer cries to herself  
No tears left to wash away  
Just diaries of empty pages  
Feelings gone a stray  
But she will sing_

Everything was burning, falling, doors knocked down, I felt as the heat pushed me back but I carried on.

I found her room and ran through the flames, my skin burning as they caught alight.

She sat, in the middle of the room, tears stained her cheeks, she held her knees, and she didn't notice me till I knelt down and touched her.

Katrina looked up and embraced me, I felt her bury herself in my neck.

_Til everything burns  
While everyone screams  
Burning their lies  
Burning my dreams  
All of this hate  
And all of this pain  
I'll burn it all down  
As my anger reigns  
Til everything burns_

I picked her up bridal style; she held on, we didn't say a word.

We were so close to the hallway that led outside.

The roof suddenly collapsed and fell in front of us; Katrina screamed and clangs harder to me.

The last place we could go was the roof.

I carried her up the stairs and on the diagonal roof, we stood, the rain coming down hard signing me.

We stood trying not to slip; she clung onto me with dear life.

_Walking through life unnoticed  
Knowing that no one cares  
too consumed in their masquerade  
No one sees her there  
And still she sings_

Lighting and thunder was here to stay, it frightened her and she lost her footing, she hung from the side of the roof, with me her only lifeline, she cried out to be but I couldn't here her.

My hand began to slip, "I don't want to die yet Kai" I heard her say.

"I won't let you"

I could hear the people gasp as they saw us dangling, people shouted and screamed in fright.

I stared straight in Katrina's eyes and felt my grip loosen.

"Don't let me go Kai"

"I won't"

_Til everything burns  
While everyone screams  
Burning their lies  
Burning my dreams  
All of this hate  
And all of this pain  
I'll burn it all down  
As my anger reigns_

"Promise?"

"I-I I promise"

And I let go of her hand, I watched as she fell to the ground, I watched as my body fell limp and my eyes shut.

All I could see was darkness.

_Til everything burns  
Everything burns  
(Everything burns)  
Everything burns  
Watching it all fade away  
(All fade away)  
Everyone screams  
Everyone screams  
(Watching it all fade away)  
Oooh ooh  
(While everyone screams)  
Burning down lies  
Burning my dreams  
(All of this hate)  
And all of this pain  
I'll burn it all down  
As my anger reigns  
Til everything burns  
(Everything burns)  
Watching it all fade away  
(Oooh ooh)  
(Everything burns)  
Watching it all fade away

* * *

_

"How's he doing?"

"It's a miracle she survived"

"Is she going to be ok?"

"Doctors doing all they can"

"Coma…not likely to wake up"

"What'll happen to him?"

"Traumatized…not going to be the same"

* * *

It's cold and empty…

My body stiff and sleep…

…dizzy…

…Pain…

…Katrina…

* * *

Short I know but worth the wait.

Song is By Anastasia and Ben Moody, Everything Burns, really cool song…hope you enjoyed, thanx everyone who's reviewed.

PLEASE REVIEW!!


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter Fourteen**

**Reality

* * *

**

Is it possible to be alive and dead, it this world real or just a nightmare, am I really this much in pain that my world has begun to spin once more?

Can this all be real, this pain, this feeling that's buried itself inside of me?

I can stand and time will fly past, I can sleep and the night will never seem to cease, my nights are filled with an emptiness I thought I'd lost.

I wonder around the hallways of the hospital that they had taken Katrina and me, they've bandaged me up and now I'm wondering, like a ghost.

They watch me sit and sigh, the watch me cry and scream, they watch as a suffer and push them away so I can wallow in my own miserable self.

I have never had any peace, when one bad thing happens a string of bad things comes back and hit you.

I can't stand sitting with her and watching as she drowns further into her own mind, never to wake up and be with me, be the one to understand me like no other has.

Her heart beats and her blood flows through her veins, but her mind is empty and beyond my reach.

I wonder whether this was just a sign, whether someone is trying to tell me something.

I'm in her room, and holding her hand.

I place her hand on my face and close my eyes, imagining it was her comforting me in this anguish that I feel.

Doctors come and go and still no answer, still no sign of her ever waking.

Maybe I'm meant to let go, maybe I'm supposed to see something good come out of this…but to loose a person such as Katrina just so I can see something is something I cannot understand.

Rei says that I mustn't drown, I must keep my head above the waves and survive.

They talk, Kathy and Rei, about what to do with me when they have to take the life-support of Katrina.

I move a stray hair and kiss her forehead, why is it her and not me in that bed, why didn't I fall and die...?

The machines beep constantly, telling us of what life is still in her.

The noise around me fades and people come and go in a blur.

Is this the end of something that has just begun?

People sit with me and tell me to be strong.

I don't want to leave her side and I want to let go of that something she holds onto me.

"Kai, it's been two months and there's no change…the doctors think"

"No one is going to touch her Rei"

* * *

I'll wait forever if I have to just to see her two coloured eyes.

But there is no change, she'll never wake up, never know how I feel, I'll never see and hears her speak again.

"Hey Kai, you ok?"

I shake my head and feel a strong hand on my shoulder, its Tyson.

"Is she going to be ok?"

"I-I don't know if she'll _even_ wake up"

"Of course she'll wake up, don't give up hope"

"Don't let go" I murmured.

"Kai?"

"Leave me alone Tyson"

* * *

Normal POV

"He's getting worse isn't he?"

Kathy nodded, she herself did not wish to admit the truth of Kai's mental health at this stage.

"And is she doesn't make it, what'll happen to him?"

"Whatever happens we have to be ready, Kai may never make it out of this one"

Tyson nodded and looked back at Kai sitting in the room by Angel…no Katrina that was what Kai called her.

"I think…I think Kai should leave here, somewhere new, maybe to America with Max"

"Yes, that is a good idea"

Kathy nodded in agreement…it was a good plan.

* * *

Kai POV

My mind is cold and my eyes a blur, is this truly real which I am seeing, is it really her lying in this bed with tubes down her throat and noise, with a machine breathing for her, pushing oxygen into her lungs.

She is colder then ice, her body limp and barren, why is she like this? Is it my fault I let her go? Did I do this to her?

Someone said that it is better to let go then to hold on…does that still apply here?

I tell her of all the great things we can do together, of all the wonderful sights we'll see.

The doctors want to take her off life support; they say she may become dependant on the machines to breath for her and its fifty-fifty percent chance that she'll start breathing on her own.

I tell that that they may do as they wish, as long as I know I've done everything in my power to bring her back.

* * *

I found a note in her jacket, it's addressed to me, and it's a suicide note.

Kai

I know it wasn't your fault that you left; I understand that what's happened was only a way of something bigger to happen.

I cannot begin to explain how scared I am of leaving you here, will you end up like the way I have today, and will you do as I have done?

My own life as been full of misery and unbearable pain, but you Kai has opened my eyes and I see someone who has never known what life behind the walls is like.

I've been behind the walls Kai, I've seen kids get hurt in so many different ways, and I ask of one thing from you Kai, please do not let them go, do not let them end up like me and have had only seen hardships this world has to offer.

I want you to save them and care for them, understand them as you have understood me.

That is all I wish,

Your "Angel" Katrina.

* * *

I'm standing at the foot of her bed; we are all standing there, the team, Kathy Red, the doctors and nurses.

They're all getting ready to get her off life-support.

Someone takes my hand, I look and see that it is Kathy, this is her way of saying that I'm not alone in this…no I'm not alone.

I hear the machines stop and my heart skips a beat, we all wait no one moving.

The machine looses her pulse as its dims and slows down, and then it gone disappeared.

I close my eyes and a tear slips down my cheek.

The doctors and nurses scramble to try and save her.

But I shake my head, "Stop it"

"But Kai-"

This came from Hilary, her voice full of worry, worried about me, about what I am thinking.

"Just…just leave her"

They all stare at me and the doctors back away.

I let go of Kathy's hand, there's something in my throat.

_Dot let go…_

I place my hand in my jacket pocket and hold onto the note, I'll never let go.

* * *

That's the end of the chapter!!

Thanx: twin1, DancerInTheDark101, whyamidoingthis01, Iluvbeyblade.

And whoever i might have missed thanx for reviewing!!

PLEASE REVIEW!! I'M BEGGING YOU!!


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter Fifteen**

**Forgiving

* * *

**

It's harder then it looks, moving on I mean, it isn't as easy as it looks, for some it's as hard has moving the earth and can be harder.

I don't know how I am like this or why but I am and because of this my dreams had been washed away from the very beginning.

I stopped along time ago in forgiving the past and moving on, but now after all that has happened I figure its time I did so, before I get caught in the vice grip that was my past.

The funeral for Katrina was a short one; she had not family members, only me.

Afterwards the sermon I watched as they filled her grave with the coffin inside, I watched as the workers pumped sand into the ground hitting the wooden box.

"Hey Kai, its time to go"

I looked around and saw the gang standing waiting for me.

"I'll meet you at the cars" I said and they left.

I sat on my haunches staring at the grave, my eyes stung and my heart beats faster, I stare at the words engraved on the stone, _"A loving friend and inspirational person"_

I smile at the words; they are the truest words anyone could have used for her.

I took her note once more and smiled, there was something else in my pocket and I took that out as well.

It was a building that was for sale, two stories with large rooms, I smiled, and it was perfect for my future plans.

* * *

I knocked on the door twice before I hear life inside, it rained and poured down on me making my hair wet and flat, I was covered in water as I stood at the steps.

Someone answered the door, a girl, maybe fifteen; her large blue eyes stared up at me with curiosity and didn't say a word.

I saw someone behind her, her mother perhaps, she glanced at me and then coaxed the girl out of the way and she stood in front of the girl.

"May I help you?"

"Is this the Gemmel Residence?" I asked

The woman nodded and I asked, still looking down at the girl, "I'm here to see Jo'han (pronounced Yo-han) Gemmel?"

The girl nodded and asked me to come in side, saying that he was seeing to some business.

His business appeared to be playing soccer with his son in the large garden.

The girl who hadn't said a word still stared at me with curiosity.

The woman who said she was Flora took me to the outside garden were father and son were playing sport.

Jo'han was tall and had the same look as his father; he laughed and panted as his son overtook the ball.

"Jo'han someone is here to see you" said Flora and Jo'han looked and stared at me, stopping the game he came up to me and asked what I wanted.

"Are you the son of Jim Gemmel?"

Jo'han nodded and wrapped his arm around his wife.

"Are you aware that he passed away not so long ago during this year?"

Jo'han nodded again saying that he had attended the funeral, and asked who I am and what my business was doing here.

"I have a message from Jim before he died; he wanted me to tell his family something"

"Did you know my father?" asked Jo'han.

"Yes I knew him very well"

"Were you a doctor?" asked Flora

"No, I was a resident there, at the hospital"

Jo'han nodded and I saw his arm go around his son protectively.

"What is his message?"

I took in a deep breath and said, "Jim had been at the hospital a long time and we had often spoken about why we were even there, and the night before he died Jim was crying as if he knew something was coming and…and he asked me to tell his family that he didn't mean to put you all through so much grief and that he'll always love you"

"That was his message?" asked Flora

"It was all he ever said about his family"

Jo'han didn't seem pleased and stared at me with some anger, "After forty years he decided to tell us that we were family, to say that he even loved us?"

"You are lucky" I said

"Lucky? The man was not fit to raise anyone and here I am, I never really had a father as my children never really had a grandfather"

"At least you have each other"

Jo'han stopped and stared at me properly for the first time, "You have no family?"

"No family"

Jo'han dropped his gaze as if ashamed.

It was then the girl spoke, "You have friends right"

I looked at her surprised and nodded, "Well then, there's your family" she smiled at me.

I nodded, _'yes they are my family'.

* * *

_

Took a while didn't I, but there you have it, its almost finished it's a shame really.

Thanx: If I say I love you, twin1, A Dallop A Daisy, wolf's lament, DancerInTheDark101, Kaikouji, starfire1, Amanita Virosa-Midnight Wrath, Darksouled Saiyanphoenix


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter Sixteen**

**Almost

* * *

**

**18 Months Later**

There is no real end, no real start to something new.

For everything in this world, life just carries on its journey, of discovery and of finding something inside of you that you never saw.

I cannot say I am truly happy, I will never be as happy as I was when I was born or when I was with Katrina but I am content and I have the strength of all my friends to make sure I stay that way.

For every mistake we make we have to fix.

For every broken promise we must renew.

I've made many promises, seen many things, I've heard and tasted the blood and screams of those who were abused with me as a child.

I have cried and bleed till I have almost died.

But people are always bringing me back to life, showing me something to look forward too, something to live for.

For me, that person who has helped and guided me to see and be what I am today deserves more then just a thank you, they need to see and know that their work was not in vain.

* * *

There's this building in the country, it's in Japan but in the country, were there are still rise paddies and farms with animals.

There's a building used for storage, and now it's for sale, including the surrounding land.

I have bought this place and I have finished renovating and cleaning it up, I am finished the easy part and now the difficult bit must begin.

I have been granted permission to open a home for abused and homeless children, no matter how badly they have been treated, not matter what raise or colour, it is here that they will find a home with people who will understand and guide them the way I was guided.

The land is green, oh so rich of fresh air and a fresh point of view, this place is what heaven must look like, this is the Promised Land.

Everyone is here to see it open, there's a party with Rock, Kathy, the Bladebreakers, Mr D, Heero, White Tigers, The Majestics, All Starz and the Blitzkrieg Boyz.

There's Rei singing with the microphone and Tyson on a pair of drums having fun, Max is dancing with Hilary and I'm watching.

"Hey all, this is dedicated to Angel…the inspiration for this place" came Tyson's voice over the speakers.

I stood at the door and watched, we were in the main hall of the place and everyone turned, some knew of Angel others didn't.

_I'll be your dream, I'll be your wish, I'll be your fantasy.  
I'll be your hope, I'll be your love, be everything that you need.  
I love you more with every breath... Truly, Madly, Deeply Do  
I will be strong, I will be faithful, 'cause I'm counting on _

_A new beginning..A reason for living…A deeper meaning  
_

I turned away and walked out of the hall and into the world, I see stairs glitter in the dark black sky, I saw the moon glow.

There was a ladder next to the wall which we were used for painting and I climbed up, and sat down on the roof ledge, my legs dangling.

_I want to stand with you on a mountain._

_I wanna bathe with you in the sea.  
I wanna lay like this forever,  
until the sky falls down on me._

I lay back and looked up at the world, my eyes closed I listened to the words which were being sung by the talented Rei.

The world is perfect, just the way I wanted it, just the way I liked it…peaceful.

_And when the stars are shinning brightly in the velvet sky,  
I'll make a wish, send it to heaven, and make you want to cry.  
The tears of joy for all the pleasure in the certainty.  
That we're surrounded by the comfort and protection  
of the highest power.  
in lonely hours, the tears devour you_

"Hey, the party's downstairs" I looked up and saw Tala smiling at me, he had climbed the ladder with two bottles of beer in hand.

He handed me one and I removed the cap and took a drink, I hadn't tasted the stuff in years.

Tala sat next to me and sighed, he too stared up at the sky.

"You know, it's been a while since I looked up there"

_I want to stand with you on a mountain. _

_I wanna bathe with you in the sea.  
I wanna lay like this forever,  
until the sky falls down on me._

"Since you went all depressed I stopped looking and became closed minded"

I didn't say anything but drank from the bottle.

Tala turned and faced me, "Kai…what did I miss, why couldn't I see the signs?"

"Tala, I didn't even see the signs, it wasn't your fault"

_Oh can you see it baby? You don't have to close your eyes  
Cause it's standing right here before you all that you need will surely come.._

"Kai…how long ago has it been that we had a proper conversation?"

"Dunno"

"It's been long hey? I miss those days"

_I'll be your dream ..I'll be your wish I'll be your fantasy  
I'll be your hope..I'll be your love..be everything you need  
I'll love you more with every breath  
Truly, Madly, deeply Do humm humm_

I looked over at my childhood friend and smiled, and knocked over the ladder with my foot, we heard it crash to the ground and he stared at me.

"Tala, those days are still here"

"yeah?"

"Huh uh, now lets have one of those conversations you keep on jabbering about"

_I want to stand with you on a mountain..._

_I want to bathe with you in the sea  
I want to lay like this forever..._

_Until the sky falls down on me_

"Conversation?"

"Yeah, you know when two different parties use their vocal chords to exchange information? A conversation"

Tala stared at me for a moment and then smiled and smacked me on the back, "It's nice to have you back Kai"

_and I want to stand with you on a mountain..._

_I want to bathe with you in the sea  
I want to live like this forever..._

_Until the sky falls down on me..._

I took another swig of my beer and threw the empty bottle to the ground and watched it bounce, "It good to back".

* * *

I'm not sure if that's the end of the fic…I'm not sure yet but lets hope its not, and if it is I'll let you know.

Thanx to EVERYONE who has reviewed or even read the fic, as from what I can see on the hits there's quite a lot of you reading.

So anyway, thanx for every little review and I hope you review again.

Till next time…


	17. Authors Note

Hey all!!

This is an author's note just for you, I've come to the conclusion that this is the end of the fic, sadly I have run out of ideas, but if anyone does have any possible ideas they just have to let me know.

I what to give a personal thanx to everyone, so here it goes:

_If I saw I love you _

_Iluvbeyblade _

_Anarchy is mine and mine alone _

_Darksouled Saiyanphoenix_

_whyamidoingthis01 _

_Syaoran-Lover_

_Kaikouji _

_wolf's lament _

_kailover2006_

_Amanita Virosa-Midnight Wrath _

_Starfire1_

_twin1_

_DancerInTheDark101_

_A Dallop A Daisy_

_WhisperingNights_

_Lina yoru no neko-chan_

That's a lot of people, and a thanx to anyone that I might have missed out.

Ok, so till we meet again.

This is Phoenixtears25 signing out.


End file.
